Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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