That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
