I must be too annoying 4 u.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
