you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
How many fucks given?
0.12846
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
