shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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