dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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