Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
