Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
