I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
