I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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