Do you still have your period?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
