So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
