I feel like I'm in dance class right now
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
