Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
