Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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