We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
