I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
