whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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