If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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