What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize