batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
