When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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