Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
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