If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
you made out with another girl for some wings
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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