The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
