walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
