So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
