Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
