I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
