I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
