no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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