Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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