Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize