i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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