Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
