Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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