He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
