OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
