I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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