I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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