okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
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