I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
