I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
