WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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