My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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