forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
