Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
