Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
