i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
