Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
