U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
