i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
