fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
