I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
