I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
