another moral hangover. fuck.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
