saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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