I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
