The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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