Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
