I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
