i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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