I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
