is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
