well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
