the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
