I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
