Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
