I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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