had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
