I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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