Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
