Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Someone shattered a urinal.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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