i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
