Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
