just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
