The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
