is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
No stitches, just platelets and will power
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
