so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
