cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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