i just wanna soil my oats bro
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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