OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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