Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Randomize
