Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
