FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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