mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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