i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
