I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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