Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
