nut hugger
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
